There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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