Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
