Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
