He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
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he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
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She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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