he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
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sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
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I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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