I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
