I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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