JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
