He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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