Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
