when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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