I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
