I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Randomize
