they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
