I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
