I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
