Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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