why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
