You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
