i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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