It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize