is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
