So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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