we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Oh god it's open bar.
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