I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
