I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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