and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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