if we break up, who will get the dealer?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
