Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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