I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
