Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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