Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
