Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
