im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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