Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
