I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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