If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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