I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
