Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
