I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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