I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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