The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I AM VODKA MAN
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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