So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
