Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
