wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
