Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
