he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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