you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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