Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
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I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
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One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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