im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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