put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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