he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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