Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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