omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
