how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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