i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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