i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
