tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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