Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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