you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he fucked my hip out of place.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
