I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
